March 17, Saturday. I woke up early and saw Mama eating her
breakfast, I silently joined her and tried to act normal as much as possible,
kaso hindi ko na talaga kaya yung sakit. I broke down and cried in front of
her, wala pang one week and gusto ko na bumalik sa ospital for a check-up
because I cannot take the pain, I am not getting any better. Our family doctor
doesn’t do appointments on weekends, we went to another hospital and
made an appointment. The doctor advised that I do several lab tests before he
could properly diagnose. Later that day, medyo umaayos na rin ang pakiramdam
ko; hindi na ako nahihirapan umakyat, for one, and hindi na gaanong masakit
yung buong katawan ko. By Sunday, I was able to take a full body bath (which I
was not able to do so during the past few days) and attended the Holy Mass.
I’m still on leave by Monday (March 19) because it was my
second medical appointment with our family doctor. I was feeling better, although medyo
masakit pa rin umakyat ng hagdan, pagpasok sa sasakyan, and pagsakay ng jeep –
as in para talaga akong may rayuma the whole time. He prescribed me another
muscle relaxant and Vitamin B. I texted my boss that I will be reporting to the
office the following day since hindi na gaanong masakit yung katawan ko… but
that is what I thought.
Since Sunday night, the back of my head hurts whenever I lie
down. However, I just disregarded them, thinking that it was part of the body
pain that I have been experiencing the previous days. Nonetheless, I was able
to sleep soundly that Monday night. It was around 4.50am, Tuesday, when I
reached for the alarm and opened my eyes, I felt a sense of relief that my body
pain and the headache were gone, however, I have a feeling that something’s not
right. I turned on the lights and look myself in the mirror.
I tried smiling… I cannot move the
right side of my face – as in bagsak siya. I panicked because initially I
thought I was having stroke. I went to my parents’ room to wake them up, Mama
opened the door for me and for the second time, I cried again, but this time it
was harder, “Ma, hindi ko magalaw mukha ko, hindi ko magalaw”, I was saying
repeatedly and pointing the right side of my face. We went back to my room,
pinatahan niya ako, she looked at me (probably examining my face), and prepared
a hot compress.
“Wag ka na pumasok, magbalik tulog
ka”, she said, but I cannot go to sleep anymore. I just ate cereal during
breakfast, but it took me forever to finish the whole bowl because since I
cannot move the right side of my face, it’s harder to eat and drink. Mama
finished her breakfast earlier and went to our family doctor to set an
appointment, may queuing kasi that’s why maaga siya pumunta. As I was waiting
for her, I was Googling “cannot move
right side of face”, after loading the results, I saw an unfamiliar word on
top of the page “Bell’s Palsy”.
I haven’t heard of the term and so
I read all related articles to it because it seems like I have it… and I was
right. After my consultation that morning, the doctor finally diagnosed me with
Bell’s Palsy (BP).
BP is basically a temporary facial
paralysis on one or both sides of the face which can make the person look
different because the affected side would look droopy. Scientifically speaking,
the sudden paralysis is due to the malfunction of the 7th cranial
nerve which is also called facial nerve. There is no sole cause of BP, but
there might be factors that trigger BP such as stress, traumatic injury, ear
infection, herpes simplex virus, diabetes, or flu/bad cold.
The doctor prescribed me another
set of medicines, one is corticosterioids (anti-inflammatory), aciclovir
(anti-viral drug), and Vitamin B. I need to take the first two medicines every
4 hours for 5 days as to prevent further infection. The doctor also advised me
to seek therapy sessions for the improvement of muscles around the affected
side, he referred us to a physical therapist within the hospital. The first
session started immediately that same day after the doctor’s final diagnosis,
it lasted for almost an hour.
I decided to report to work the
following day, pero sa sobrang conscious ko sa mukha ko, I wore face mask all
the time and I opt not to engage conversation with my other officemates. After
that day, napansin ko na hindi ko na rin maigalaw yung left side ng mukha ko,
both sides are now affected. Mas nahirapan akong kumain, I have to use my hands
to move my chin whenever eating and my lower lip whenever I’m drinking or else tatapon
siya. I also have to aid my lower lip whenever I wanted to speak since when
both sides are affected, I had more difficulty speaking. I also experienced
difficulty closing my eyes, my right ear is more sensitive to sound, and my
sense of taste altered. What’s worst is that I cannot smile, I cannot laugh, I
cannot convey facial expressions properly kasi paralyzed yung mukha ko. Hindi
naman nagmanhid yung mukha ko – nakakaramdam ako pero sadyang hindi ko lang
siya magalaw.
It really saddens me, because I
know wala akong kasiguraduhan kung kailan babalik sa dati yung mukha ko. During
our first session, my therapist told me that improvements can possibly be seen
after a month of therapy sessions, I am hopeful. After a couple of weeks, the
left side slowly went back to normal, by April 12, there was a slight
improvement on the right side of my face, particularly the lips. The 20th
session ended during the first week of May; the affected area showed little improvement over the
past sessions and so I decided to continue with the session.
Before the end of May, I can smile
a little – this I consider to be the greatest improvement so far. I can also
eat and drink without using my hands to aid my chin. I also decided not to wear
face mask in the office… slowly I find myself embracing the situation and
trying to be as normal as possible. By June, I started serving the church again
as lector/commentator since I can speak much better than the previous months. I
was worried as to what the parishioners might say because the affected side
still looks droopy, but our ministry coordinator assured me that what’s more
important is that I am able to serve the church again.
However, the first few months was
a struggle because I find myself questioning Him at times as to “Why me?”,
“Bakit ang dami kong natapos na sessions pero wala pa rin improvement?”, “Bakit
ang bagal?”, I was getting impatient because even though I have been doing
numerous sessions, the improvements were much slower than what the therapist
told me and what I was expecting. It was during those times where I began to
pray more to God. I kept asking for healing because I know na lahat ng iniinom
kong gamot are useless because ultimately, He is my true and only HEALER. Since March, I learned to be more grateful and appreciative
that I have my family as my support system. I’m also thankful to my
churchmates, friends, and Kevin who took time and effort to visit me during the
first week of diagnosis.
By the time of publish, it
has been 167 days since I was diagnosed with BP. My face looks almost normal
again although I’m not fully recovered yet. The affected side remains to be
weak as compared to the other but it is far better than the earlier months
since diagnosis. I already stopped attending therapy sessions, but I’m still
doing facial exercises and taking Vitamin B at home. It sucks that BP has no
immediate cure but I learned to be more patient and understanding about my
situation. As of now, I’m still trying not to be conscious about it. All I can
do is to pray and live with it until I’m totally healed… I just cannot wait to
recover my smile again.
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