“Kinaya ko ang 2020, kakayanin ko ang 2021.
Sana ay ikaw rin.”
These are the last lines of my 2020 YE blog… I wanted to circle back and happy to report that YES – kinaya (ko pa rin) ang 2021.
Just Once.
KAKAYANIN. This word has been my battle cry for 2021.
However, 2021 is not the way I have envisioned it to be; I really thought this will be my year, but it was shattered when an unimaginable thing happened – failing one subject in graduate school which is the last three units for me to qualify for comprehensive examination – the end game into getting that MAE degree. I thought I am ready for it, but I was wrong. I thought I can fully accept it immediately, but I spent the whole day doing nothing, crying, and pondering where did I go wrong. That experience was literally fitting for that line from a song, Just Once, “I did my best, but I guess by best wasn’t good enough.” 😔
I am not good enough – it is my first time failing a subject and I thought that I am a failure. I have dwelled onto that for quite a time until one day, I am reminded that I am not alone and I am just as good. Since January 2021 I have been reading Didache (a daily Bible reflection guide) and when I was able to catch up into the readings, I came across the following reflection lines which really hit me hard:
“Believe in your heart that rejections are God’s redirections for your life.”
“What dreams have you been praying for? Just be patient and trust in His ways.”
I am too much holding onto the negativity that I failed to see God’s purpose for me. Those lines are what I needed to feel and hear; with that, I tried redirecting and refocusing my attention and energy to other brighter things and to all of my other small victories. I tried moving forward and doing more effort to do my part until I learn to accept my failure and took it as a motivation to keep going.
The Power of Journaling.
I am forever grateful to my core friends and family (and our fur baby, Koko) for always keeping me sane most especially whenever I feel down, worried, and anxious. There is no other place like home when I am with my family especially now that Papa is home and all of us get to spend more time together (thanks also to the hybrid work arrangement). More than family and friends, my other constant partner is journaling. I have been journaling more this year and was even able to grow my creative channel and meet other journal/stationery-lovers when I joined Always Be Creating Patreon Community last May 2021. I considered it as one of my highlights this year because journaling has been my outlet and safe saven amidst all the adulthingszzz I needed to do. Journaling brings me to a zen state of mind and I am grateful to have time for it. I intend to do the same for 2022. 📒
Twenty-twenty too?
I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT. Parang-awa, awat na (!!!)
What I love the most about New Year is my optimistic and determined self… I truly wish I can sustain this mindset for the rest of year; if not, I pray for a better me this 2022. I pray that this year, people will be smarter, more understanding, compassionate, and blessed. Ultimately, I am manifesting that this year will be better for all of us… lalo pa’t #LENIKIKO2022. 💖💚 Please please vote smarter and remember that #neveragain #neverforget.
On that note, allow me to share this quote from Linya-Linya to end my 2021 YE blog, “Kahit gaano man kahirap, panghawakan ang pangarap.” Kung hindi man maging madali ang 2022, kakayanin pa rin at kakayaning muli… para sa pangarap. 🙏
